11/19/09
'Out Of the Mouths of Old Babes'
Here's a scene I don't always witness and one that I was told I HAD to retell here.
I recently spent a long weekend visiting my grandmother. I took Monday off from work so I could spend more time with her, which was wondeful. But since it was Monday, I needed to find a ride to the train station.
Since everyone I knew would be working, I was in a bit of a bind, but figured I could easily get a cab.
"This isn't New York honey" is what Nana retorted when I made that apparently insane suggestion.
So we came up with Plan B. We would ask my grandfather's (I cannot bring myself to say late quite yet) cousin to give me a ride.
She is affectionately known as Aunt Honey in our family and is 85 years young.
"Honey" agreed and said she'd meet me at Nana's and drive me to the train station.
Monday arrived, as did Aunt Honey, about an hour before my train was scheduled to depart.
She came inside and the three of us were killing time in "the den" before taking off.
Honey volunteers at a local elementary school and she and my grandmother started talking about "kids today."
How kids are spoiled, how some act way older than their ages, etc. etc.
Still on the subject of children behaving badly, the conversation took a turn. It went like this. (I swear I am not embellishing a bit).
Aunt Honey looked at my 90-year-old grandmother and said, "Do you know what the word hump means?"
Me: WHATTTTTT?????
Nana: I only know what it means because of the dog.
Me: OMG
AH: I thought, you know, it was a hump on your back.
Me: Where in God's name is this going???
AH: There were these two boys horsing around. They are in the first grade, and when I asked what they were doing, one boy said "I am humping him." I had no idea what he was talking about.
Me: Please don't look at me. Please don't look at me.
Nana: Oh my God Honey.
AH: I know. Kids these days. What do I know? I really thought it was a humpback.
Nana: Like I said. If it weren't for the dog, what would I know? She then laughs.
Me: Wow, would you look at the time. I don't want to be late. How about we head to the train station?!
It still makes me laugh.
11/12/09
'Irony'
Alanis Morrisette had a hit song a few years ago called "Ironic."
That song should be blaring right now. Here's why.
Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was the guest speaker today at Harvard University.
What's so ironic about that you ask? Well, the former New York governor and attorney general who resigned after admitting to having sex with a high-priced call girl several times, is speaking at an ETHICS panel!!
OK, Harvard, this is what I'd like to know? Was no one else available??
Who's next? Bernard Madoff speaking about money management? Lindsay Lohan on partying in moderation?
I can see it now: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Osama Bin Laden, our guest speaker on Human Rights today."
In the words of my Uncle, "What a bunch of College-educated a*holes."
11/3/09
'Picture of the Day'
A co-worker of mine sent me this picture thinking I would get a kick out of it.
I did!
He caught his mail carrier hiding out inside a mailbox last weekend.
We've all had days like this, haven't we?
I wonder if she's going airmail or C.O.D.!
10/29/09
'Priceless'
As many of you know, my grandfather passed away three weeks ago. It's been really tough on my grandmother, understandably, because he was the love of her life.
I went to CT last weekend to visit and stayed at my grandmother's house.
It was tough because it was the first time visiting the house that my grandfather no longer occupies. So before heading back home on Sunday, I bought a "Thinking of You" card for Nana and wrote her a long note--to let her know I was thinking of her and that she'd be OK, etc.
I left it in a very visible place on her dresser hoping she'd find it, read it and that it would comfort her. I called her a few hours later to tell her I was home. I wondered if she found the card. But she didn't say anything so I figured she hadn't seen it yet.
Another day had gone by and I spoke with her a few times.
She still hadn't mentioned the card. She's been through so much lately--so it probably slipped her mind. But maybe she didn't see it.
Another day had gone by, and still nothing. Now I was curious: Did it fall and she not get it?
I called her that night to say hi and check in, and a few minutes into our conversation, I said: Nan, did you ever find the card I left for you on your dresser?
Her response is what makes me laugh, and is one of a zillion reasons why I adore her.
I swear this is verbatim.
Nana: Oh my God honey, Yes I did. I'm such a dumb ass.
DUMB ASS? Did my soon-to-be 90-year-old grandmother just say dumb ass?
Me: No you're not. You have a lot on your mind. I was just wondering.
Nana: Yes honey. What a dumb-ass I am.
DUMB ASS AGAIN?? I swear she must've been watching something on TV where they kept saying that.
Is there an Ann Coulter movie of the week that I missed?
10/20//09
'Bugging Out'
I was sitting in my office this afternoon when I got the following IM from Marta.
Before I post the IM, let me give you some background information. Marta typically stops by my office each afternoon before she heads to the newsroom to say hello and to get an update on the day's news, etc.
And to steal food if I happen to have any :-)
OK, so back to the IM. Rather than her usual in-person visit, she sent this:
m1010 (1:40:35 PM): im here!
m1010 (1:40:41 PM): ill stop by later
b1010 (1:41:15 PM): k
m1010 (1:41:20 PM): i feel eeked out
m1010 (1:41:23 PM): ill tell you later
b1010 (1:41:34 PM): what??
m1010 (1:41:47 PM): i feel gross and itchy
m1010 (1:41:51 PM): that sounds awful
m1010 (1:41:57 PM): i dont have lice lol
b1010 (1:43:18 PM): ok ew
m1010 (1:43:20 PM): lol
m1010 (1:43:33 PM): i should just tell you now to redeem myself but ill wait
b1010 (1:43:58 PM): what???
m1010 (1:44:11 PM): i dont know im not making any sense ill stop by soon
WHAT?? My head was spinning, literally.
Turns out, as Marta later explained, as she was waiting for her train, she noticed a bug on the back of her neck. Much to Buddha's chagrin, she immediately killed the bug and thought that was the end of it.
Until she felt the insect making its way down her back and then, well, way down her back if you know what I mean. I know TMI-how do you think I felt??
So, the next time she's in a bad mood, she should totally understand if I ask why she has a bug up her ass!
10/12/09
'Farewell, Pop'
Some blog entries are harder than others to write for a variety of reasons: I'm busy; I don't feel like being funny, there really isn't anyone/anything to pick on, etc.
This entry is hard, but not for any of the above-mentioned reasons.
My grandfather passed away last Thursday. He lived 93 wonderful years, and although he was old and his death not a complete shock, it's hard to take because you're never ready to say goodbye.
I will be turning 40 in February. And for the past 39 years, my grandfather or "Poppy," was there for so many moments in my life -- both big and small.
I learned to ride a bike in his backyard and how to "zop" a garden. His driveway was the place to wash your car--I don't know why but he always had a zillion car sponges and countless bottles of soap and wax. They must've been on sale.
If I didn't take the bus home from school, it was Poppy who'd always be waiting to pick me up and take me home --oftentimes after a trip to Burger King or Carvel!
He and my grandmother went to just about every softball game I ever played and always took me and my friends out for a treat -- whether we won or lost.
He was the most selfless man I'd ever known, and the word no wasn't in his vocabulary.
I remember once I happened to be drinking a cherry coke and he asked, "Do you like that?"
I replied, "Yeah it's pretty good."
The next day there was a case of cherry coke in his basement. I liked it but not that much! But I couldn't tell him--he was so proud.
When I needed a babysitter (or rather, dog sitter), he'd happily watch my dog while I was working or away on a trip.
And when my dog died years ago, I swear he was more heartbroken than I was.
I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to live with my grandparents twice--both times when I was in-between jobs and apartments. Some of my fondest memories consist of changing clock, watch, flashlight and smoke detector batteries, making sure the trash was brought to the street DAYS before it had to be picked up, listening to Poppy complain about my decision to order Chinese food for dinner (come on, what is this shit?) and then watch him eat most of it.
He grew tired and weak the past few years, but never lost his spirit and loved when his grandchildren and great-grandchildren would visit. The quintessential gentleman, he would always walk to the front door to see us off to make sure we were on our way safely.
And he only had one request: that we'd call when we got home.
Hundreds of people came to pay their respects to my grandfather, and he was given a full police escort to the church and cemetery on the day of his funeral. When our limo drove past the Waterbury Police Station, there were four officers standing there saluting him.
A fitting final farewell to a kind, humble soul who would've said, "Come On, You're Crazy" if we ever suggested shining a spotlight on him while he was still alive.
He also would have been so proud. But not nearly as proud as me.
I love you pop. Rest in peace.
10/5/09
'Stupid Human Tricks'
.jpg)
We're running a story today about David Letterman and how "Late Show" tickets are now the hottest show tickets in town.
They are hot ever since last week's revelation that a CBS News employee allegedly plotted to expose Dave for having sex with female staffers through the years -- unless he (employee) was given $2M to keep quiet.
Allegedly...
So, Letterman went on the air last week and admitted to the workplace trysts; the employee was arrested, indicted and has since pleaded not guilty, yada yada yada.
Today is Dave's first day back since the sexplotation plot was revealed, and fans are scrambling to get Late Show tickets. It appears that Dave has become a hero of sorts, and seems he'll come out of this unscathed.
Here's my question: Have we become so numb and starstruck as a nation, that no matter what a popular celeb does, as long as he/she comes clean, it doesn't matter?
Not that Dave necessarily committed a crime, but it was more than an office romance between co-workers. Dave had sex with people who worked for him. And since when is that OK, let alone something to applaud?
9/25/09
'TMI.com'
You've heard of the celebrity gossip Website TMZ.com. Well, I'd like to create a spinoff called "TMI.com" -- for those stories that contain just a bit too much information, in my opinion.
Here is my pick of the week:
Mackenzie Phillips. The former "One Day At a Time" actress came out with a bombshell on Oprah this week.
Phillips claimed she was raped by her late father John Phillips when she was a teenager, and then admitted that her sexual relationship with her dad later became "consensual."
She ended their relationship years later after she found out she was pregnant and was reportedly unsure if the baby was her father's or her husband's.
She also said he had sex with "Papa John" on the night before her wedding. OK. TMI.
We all know that Mackenzie has a history of drug abuse, as did her father, and if she is a victim of incest, it may be cathartic for her to now speak about it, but come on.
I don't know what bothers me the most about this story: The fact that John Phillips may very well have raped his daughter; the tales of their mutual drug use and sexcapades; her blackouts that she supposedly "remembers;" the fact that Phillips is now dead and can't defend himself, or the fact that Mackenzie put all of this in a book is is now doing the talk-show circuit?
Some think she's a victim of "Stockholm Syndrome." I think she's a victim of "Amazon Syndrome."
9/17/09
'I'm Just Sayin'
During a match at the U.S. Open last week, Serena Williams lost her cool and argued with a line judge over a call.
Her "arguing" was a profanity-laced tirade. Williams was fined $10,000 and has since apologized to the judge, and to her fans.
While flipping through various channels last night, "Extra" or some other celeb-gossip show played a clip of Serena at an event, where she again metioned the incident and apologized.
ENOUGH. How many times did John McEnroe lose his cool and have full blown temper tantrums on the court? Countless.
How many matches did he disrupt? Too many to count.
And how many apolgies did he issue? Few, if any.
Now, the issue seems to be not only Serena's tirade, but that she threatened the judge. McEnroe was in so many judge's faces, swore so many times and was called out for "unsportsmanlike conduct."
And who can forget Jimmy Connors' infamous profanity-laced 1991 U.S. Open tirade? If you don't remember it, click here.
How much was Connors fined for that? He actually called the line judge a bum and an abortion, but did he apologize?
I think it's unprofessional for anyone, male or female to lose their cool during sporting events, but it happens.
It just seems to be tolerated when it happens with men, and that's a double standard in my opinion.
9/11/09
'Never Forget'
Today marks the 8th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. In many ways it seems like the attacks happened yesterday.
Each year, people gather at Ground Zero to read the names of those who lost their lives on that fateful day.
Please take a moment to remember everyone who died that day, and to remember their loved ones still feeling the tremendous pain of Sept. 11, 2001.
And to everyone in my life: I love you.
9/8/09
'Grande Phallic'
I was on vacation last week, so needless to say, getting back to work required a bit more coffee.
So, after catching up with my boss, I decided to get a second cup of Joe.
I walked to a nearby Starbucks and ordered my usual: a double tall skim latte, and walked to the counter to wait for my drink.
During my wait for my $4.08 latte, I turned around. I couldn't believe my eyes!
I'm not sure what this is a mural of, or if it is even in fact a mural, but what does this look like to you??
I know I may see things a bit differently than others, but come on, someone was having fun at the Coffee Shop.
Tell me that's not male genitalia! And since art is always up to interpretation, and since this is New York, I think the penis is a victim of a "stick up."
I wonder if this will make it to the Louvre some day?
8/28/09
'TP-TMI'
Last weekend, Deb, Rebecca (my fave cousin-in-law) and I took a trip to the mall. What else is there to do on a beautiful Sunday but shop?
The three of us hit a few stores, tried on clothes, tried on more clothes, cried (OK that was me) and then had lunch.
After we finished lunch, we decided we should probably go before we spent way too much money (OK again, me).
But before embarking on our 25 minute journey home, we thought it best to hit the "ladies room."
In the restroom, we experienced on of those sitcom moments -- only we didn't know it at the time.
There were two stalls in the bathroom--but they weren't side-by-side--they were diagonally across from each other.
I took one stall, while Rebecca went in the next. Deb didn't have to go so she waited inside. Besides, Deb loves to wait until we get in the car and on the road before she has to go :-)
Anyway, this is pretty much how our conversation went once inside our stalls.
Rebecca: Do you have any paper?
Me: I do but you'll have to wait.
Rebecca: Why? Can't you hand me some?
Me: I would but I can't reach you
Rebecca: Why can't you reach? Just hand me a piece
Me: Because I am sitting
Rebecca: You SIT on the bowl?
Me: Not normally. I normally squat but this time I sat...
Rebecca: That's gross!
Me: I put paper down--I'm not right ON the bowl! Anyway I'll throw you some paper. Catch it
Rebecca (with hand underneath stall): OK I'm ready
Me: Hucking wad of paper that misses her completely and hits the floor
Rebecca: Ew. I'm not using that! It hit the floor
Me: I said I couldn't reach! Look up and I'll try again
Well, after about two minutes that seemed more like an eternity, Deb yelled:
OMG you two are idiots! I wish you could hear yourselves!
Deb: Rebecca, would you like a paper towel?
Rebecca: yes!
Me thinking: MUTT! What took her so long?
I got up, managed to hand Rebecca some TP and saved the day. BTW, we are still laughing about this.
Until of course we see ourselves on YouTube...
8/19/09
'Back to the Future'
While doing chores last week, I noticed a soapy puddle of water spewing from my dishwasher.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the dishwasher is brand spanking new! We purchased it from a store that rhymes with "Mears" a month ago.
When I called last week to report the problem, the customer service rep told me the good news: My dishwasher was still under warranty!"
You think? It's 3 weeks old!
And then she explained my options: I could have somebody fix it or get a replacement dishwasher.
I opted for the latter since it is brand new, and who wouldn't want new vs. fixed?
OK--fast forward to last night when I retrieve my messages and hear, "This is Sears calling to confirm your service appointment for tomorrow."
Service appointment? I already made an appointment for the new dishwasher to be delivered on Saturday.
So I called Sears to cancel the appointment. After holding for what seemed an eternity, a rep came on and started to "help me." Our conversation went something like this (swear to God):
"OK ma'am, I see that you have two dishwashers you're calling about."
Two?
Yes.
I only purchased one dishwasher.
I see here you purchased on July 12, and the one you purchased on Oct 11.
Oct 11?
Yes.
Of this year?
Yes.
OK, how is that possible since it's only August?
Silence. Well, yes ma'am, that is probably a mistake.
Probably? The only way that would be possible is if I was a time traveler and bought the dishwasher in the future. And no offense, but if I had the ability to travel through time, believe me, Sears wouldn't be on my itinerary.
Silence.
Needless to say, he canceled the service appointment and the "magical" dishwasher purchased two months from now.
So imagine the look on my face today when I answered my cell phone and heard, "Hi Ma'am. This is Joe from Sears. Are you at home?"
No.
Oh, because I am here to service your dishwasher.
Ok. Hold on. I'll be there in about two months...
8/13/09
'One Stop Shopping'
Today's picture of the day was sent to me from Rosa, who said:
I was driving thru Newark, NJ recently and came across this sign. I drove around the block just so I could snap a picture. I'm inclined to think the line is around the corner 24/7!!!
Thought it was worth sharing..LOL!!!
It is Rosa! Thanks for sharing LOL!
If you have a picture that grabs your attention, send it to me. I'll post it here.
8/12/09
'LOL WHY??'
LOL: I think these three letters have become my least favorite letters in the American vernacular.
I don't know why,-- I suppose because they are so overused.
And are people really laughing out loud at every little thing?
LOL bugs me the most when people rant and rave about something and then randomly add it to the end of a sentence to make us believe they're "just kidding" or it's not that big of a deal.
For example: A friend on Facebook recently posted something like this:
I am miserable...fever, cold...I just want to die!!! LOL
LOL??? WHY? Was she really laughing out loud?
She's not the only one. I find so many people throw LOL into a sentence -- perhaps out of habit.
Take this IM between me and Marta yesterday:
Marta: I hate this (xxx) story...the details are so sketchy LOL...
Do you see my point?
What's next? Banks sending letters to customers late on their mortgage payments:
"Dear Sir/Madam. We regret to inform you that we are going to have to foreclose on your home. LOL."
If you are an LOL abuser, the next time you want to throw in LOL when it clearly doesn't belong, don't! LOL.
8/6/09
'Picture of the Day'
My cousin sent this to me while on his way to the Yankees/Red Sox game tonight (bastard!) in the Bronx.
It is cracking me up!
He said he knew I would appreciate the humor and that's why he sent it.
I wonder if I should be scared or flattered?
If you see something funny, take a shot and send it to me at webstaff@wins.com!
'No Thanks'
8/4/09
There are a few products on the market that I probably would never buy: The clapper, the Flowbee, Ginsu knives (oh wait, I did buy those once--they worked pretty well, actually).
But here is one product I know for sure I'd never need: Red Wine Extract!
I happened to see this bottle of vitamins while grocery shopping over the weekend.
I couldn't help but laugh while thinking to myself, Imagine if they extracted red wine from my body?
I'd probably OD from one vitamin.
7/28/09
'Mega Lucky'
Today, the winner of a $133 million Mega Millions jackpot came forward to claim his prize.
Aubrey Boyce (Mister Happy pictured on the left), 49, of Kew Gardens, Queens, ended three weeks of speculation Tuesday when it was announced that he won the Mega Millions jackpot.
Boyce is a transit worker in New York City--a job he's held for 8 years. He collected his check for $54 million (after a zillion in taxes were taken) and resigned.
THAT's what I love. He quit his job. And why wouldn't he? It always bothered me when people said (lied) that they'd continue working if they won a kajillion dollar jackpot. BS!
Do people fear boredom? Travel! Volunteer. Do anything but work--unless of course you work for 1010 WINS which is the best company on Earth and I personally would never leave even if I won a huge lottery jackpot.
I can see if you were a scientist on the verge of finding a cure to an incurable disease. Or perhaps you ran an orphanage and couldn't bear to leave the kids.
But I'll never forget years ago when I was working for a certain drug store chain making $5.50 an hour and the local Lotto jackpot was someting obscene like $200 million. One of my co-workers, who also was earning minimum wage, said, "If I won the lottery, I wouldn't quit my job."
OK. WHY?? Don't get me wrong I happen to think CVS is great and I am a frequent shopper, but if you're stocking shelves all hours of the day and night while wearing a God-awful red vest (no offense), why wouldn't you quit?
Did she think it was good lottery karma? That if she said this aloud, the Lotto fates would reward her with a winning ticket?
NO! I think it would have the opposite effect. I think the fates would switch the numbers at the very end, all the while laughing at the thought of someone winning $200 million so they could head to work everyday to hear people bitch about their expired extra-value coupons for their 2-for-1 tampons!
So let me know: Would you be honest if you won the lottery, or would you lie and say you'd still work? Comment below!
7/22/09
'Happy Anniversary'
Ah, to be young and in love.
Today is Marta's 1-year anniversary with her boyfriend Nick.
Appropriately enough, she walked in to work this afternoon and a box of flowers were waiting for her on her desk.
Sweet...But I couldn't help but laugh and think: It's so obvious that they've been together for only one year!
The last flower (or flour) I got delivered happened to be underneath a pizza last Sat night.
And speaking of flowers and boxes: I looked at Marta's discarded flower box (that she plopped next to my desk to add insult to injury) and couldn't help but think:
Wow. That could double as Nicole Richie's casket someday!
Or is it too big?
7/20/09
'Hut Hut ... Ut Oh'
Guess the correct caption for this picture:
A) A Michael Jackson fan who doesn't have a lot of money?
B) A modern-day mummy?
C) Deb post co-ed football game after she missed a pass from "Brett Favre-like guy" and made me exhausted because we spent the entire night in the ER (where NOBODY BTW looked a thing like Juliana Marguiles or George Clooney) when all I wanted to do on Sunday night (before having to work the super early shift because Maddy is on vacation) was watch "The Next Food Network All Star" and relax before taking an Ambien to help me sleep but that didn't happen because she broke her finger playing Goddamned co-ed football!
So, which one do you think it is?
7/13/09
'My What?'
Moms are great. We love them to death. Perhaps because they give us comic material on a regular basis.
I know that I could probably fill this entire page with "mother stories" but I won't since my mother reads this blog (hi Mom!)
But, I will share with you her latest gaffe.
I have an SUV in CT that I am trying to sell. It was at my grandparents house and I drove it when I'd go home for a visit -- same with my mother. My aunt would also use it if her car was in the shop, etc.
But the truck is old and constantly needs to be jumpstarted since it doesn't get driven very often, so we've decided to sell it.
A friend of a friend of a friend who owns a small used car dealership said he'd sell it for me, and so he jumpstarted it and drove it to his dealership -- before I had the chance to remove a CD case I left on the backseat.
I mentioned this to my mother when we were talking last week, and also told her that I needed to call the guy to talk to him about the car, title, etc.
End of story, right?
Wrong.
I saw that I missed a call from my mother on Saturday and that she left me a message. The message that went something like this:
Hi honey. It's me. Listen I was thinking, when you call and talk to Joe about the car, make sure that you tell him that you left your cassette case in the back so he can grab it for you. OK, just wanted to tell you that. I love you. Bye.
CASSETTE CASE????
I haven't seen a cassette, owned or played one in 20 years! Hey, at least she didn't say 8-track right?
Gotta love her.
7/6/09
'Pooch Predator'
My dog is a rapist. Yes, you read correctly. He may look cute and innocent, but believe me, he isn't.
I went to CT this 4th of July weekend to spend time with my grandparents. My aunt was out of town for the weekend, so she left her dog Sammy with them.
Sammy is really old and really blind. He is a sweet dog, but he's always under foot -- that is, when's he's not walking into walls, doors, couches, etc.
Since we stayed in CT for the long weekend, we took Nick with us. Nick and Sammy got along fine the entire weekend, except for one moment -- when I was trying to close the footrest of my grandfather's recliner and help him up -- Sammy was lying smack dab in front of the footrest.
Have you ever seen the movie "The Omen?" If you have, Sammy is Damien. Everywhere you look, he is there--at your feet, behind your feet, in front of a walker, in the middle of the floor, etc. Now you'd think a blind dog would stay put.
Nope. I'd place him on the couch, he'd jump down. I'd put him in a room for a few seconds and close the door so my grandfather could get from A to Z comfortably, and he'd bang at the door to get out.
Needless to say, he was getting on our nerves.
Anyway, back to the recliner. I was having difficulty closing the footrest because Sammy was lying in front of it and would move back as soon as I'd move him.
Finally I yelled, "Sammy move!" That's when Nick came from out of nowhere, ran over to Sammy and started humping him. Yep. He didn't bite him he humped him.
I pulled him off of Sammy and he mounted him again.
Sammy had no idea what was going on, but I have to live with the fact that my dog is a sex offender!
The dog days of summer...
6/30/2009
'R.I.P. Everybody'
Unless you're on Sabbatical somewhere, living under a rock, or are in a witness protection program, you've probably heard that Michael Jackson died last week.
As did Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and Fred Travalena. Who? He was a comedian/impressionist like Rich Little but with better hair.
It was sad when the news broke that Farrah Fawcett died, but not shocking. However, when news hit that MJ passed away, everybody was shocked.
Especially those of us covering the story. Was he dead? Do we go with the news that he's dead since only TMZ.com was reporting his death at the time?
When I left work Thursday, Jackson was still alive and in the hospital.
But the second I got off the PATH train, my phone rang. It was Marta.
Me: Hey, what's up?
Marta: OK. Michael Jackson died.
Me: What???
Marta: Yeah. Should I send a text alert?
Me: Is it confirmed?
Marta: TMZ says he's dead. And Mark (our boss) said to send an alert. He also sent me text of what to say.
Me: So what is your question?
Marta: Should I send it?
Me: Mark (again, our boss) told you to send one so why wouldn't you?
Marta: BECAUSE I'M FREAKING OUT! Michael Jackson is dead!
Needless to say, she sent the alert and Jackson, is in fact dead.
The sad part: Poor Farrah Fawcett was reduced to a crawl on the bottom of most TV screens splashed with wall-to-wall King of Pop death coverage.
Which part of me still believes is not true and he is laughing on a deserted island with Elvis somewhere.
And then a few days later "OxiClean" pitchman Billy Mays died.
I bet Heaven just got alot cleaner and a LOT louder!
The one good thing to come from all of these sad passings: Jon and Kate coverage took a back seat!
Life is short people. Enjoy yours.
6/18/09
'Rain Rain Go Away'
Today is the 750th straight day of rain we've had in the Northeast, and I personally am over it.
Although just about everyone else I know is too. Even the ever-so-chipper Marta has been waterlogged and cranky.
Never-ending rain sucks, but it really sucks for those of us who take public transportation and walk to work. Despite your best efforts: Umbrella, raincoat, "rubbers" as my grandmother would say, you get soaked--as I did this morning.
And if the rain wasn't bad enough, I just read this story: "Seattle's dry spell ties record..."
Maybe I'll build an ark and commute that way! The ark can't be any slower than the bus and will undoubtedly smell better than the subway!
Perfect! This weekend, I'll gather pairings of the opposite sex to join me on my ark. *Note: Same-sex pairings legally allowed on arks in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa.
Stay dry!
'Mixed Signals'
6/12/09
You've probably been hearing for months that TV stations across the country were making the switch from Analog to Digital.
There have been countless commercials and "how-to's" warning people to make the switch before they lose their TV reception altogether.
"TV stations across the U.S. started cutting their analog signals Friday morning, marking the final signoff for a 60-year-old technology and likely stranding more than 1 million unprepared homes without TV service," the Associated Press reported.
Apparently 1010 WINS didn't get the message.
We lost our signal on this TV about 10 minutes ago. I can't help but laugh.
Anyone need an extra pair of rabbit ears?
'Not a Good Sign'
6/8/09
I went to CT this weekend to attend a mini High School reunion. Mini because we had our official 20-year (gulp) reunion last year, and this time around, those of us who couldn't make the real reunion got together in a bar.
It was fun seeing old friends. The answer to "what's new" was a bit difficult since, well, just about everything is new to people you haven't seen in 20 years!
All in all, it was a great night and I'm glad I went. While on my way to the Waterbury Metro-North station on Saturday, I couldn't help but notice this sign. The "beauty parlour" where my grandmother gets her hair "washed and set" was sold to new owners and is therefore under new management.
Or "uner" new mgmt., depending on who you talk to.
If you saw this mistake (assuming somebody had to) would you still hang the sign??
Unless, of course, the geniuses who ordered and printed the sign think it's correct. I can just imagine their conversation.
"Yo Joe. I need a sign saying my business is Uner new management."
"OK Ralph. You got it. Uner new management. Anything else?"
"Yeah. Trow in a Grand Opening."
"You got it paisan."
I wonder what the "Going out of business" sign will look like?
'Only in New York, New York'
6/2/09
Deb and I went to the Blue Note Jazz Club in the Village on Saturday night to see Frank Sinatra Jr. perform.
I didn't really want to go. See I'm not a huge fan of Frank Sinatra Sr., so going to see Jr. really didn't appeal to me.
But Deb knows Frank Jr's wife through work and thought it would be fun.
It wasn't. Here's why.
Getting to the club was a nightmare because it just so happened that President and Mrs. Obama decided that they too wanted to hang out in the Village Saturday night.
You can imagine the chaos that was the West Village at 7:30 p.m.
Well, we finally made it to the club and were greeted by Cynthia Sinatra--she was as nice as can be. She said hi and went upstairs. I assumed we were sitting together but we weren't.
It turns out that at the Blue Note, unless you are a celebrity or in the Mob, you are forced to sit at a table with complete strangers.
Literally at the same table. We were escorted to the back of the club and plopped between two couples who were eating dinner. I'm all for closeness, but this was ridiculous.
And did I mention that the stage was behind us? So not only were we cramped, but we couldn't see a thing but the people in front of us.
I started to have a mini meltdown. And after the guy sitting in front of me said "OH Come On. You know you're having fun," for the third time, I looked at him and said, "No offense. But I didn't come here to look at you all night."
I admit it sounds bitchy. But who cares.
The manager found us "better" seats and we were moved smack dab in front the stage and the horns section.
Serves me right.
There was a 2 drink minimum (Thank God) so I ordered a dirty martini. While sucking it down for dear life, Tony Bennett walked in and sat at a table behind us.
Not at a table with strangers mind you, but whatever...
Frank Jr. came on, told stories, sang some of his father's songs, blah blah blah. The show ended in an hour and Cynthia told us we could meet Frank in the dressing room.
Really? OK.
We go upstairs and wait outside of the dressing room door.
Cynthia Sinatra opens the door and says we will be able to enter the dressing room in a few minutes. I noticed Tony Bennett talking to Frank Jr.
I then turned to Cynthia and said: I am a big fan.
Cynthia: Thank you (smiling).
Me: Do you think I could get a picture with Tony Bennett?
Deb subtly elbows me in the ribs and says "and one with Frank too."
Me: "And one with Frank too."
Cynthia: Sure.
Come on. Nothing against Frank Jr. but that would be like being at a Madonna concert and asking to have a picture taken with her daughter Lourdes.
We finally made it into the dressing room and I got my picture...with Frank Jr. Tony B. was gone.
If I wasn't there myself, I would swear he was photshopped in!
Hey--at least we weren't forced to take the picture with a bunch of strangers!
'Hang On'
5/26/09
Happy Day after Memorial Day everybody! Although it's back to work, it's a short week, so that's nice.
I spent the holiday hanging out with my family, and wanted to share this photo of my nephew Ben. He is my cousin's son, but I call him my nephew--because that is how I see him -- and it's easier than saying my cousin's son.
Here he is hanging on to the couch for dear life! We were all wondering what was going through his mind.
He had a look of sheer joy on his face because we figured he was standing by himself, or he was thinking, "Wow. Things look really cool from up here!"
He is the sweetest little guy and I couldn't help but wonder, How do we all (for the most part) start out like Ben, and end up like this:
This guy was fast asleep on the bus, bobbing his head up and down, up and down the entire ride into work today.
Annoying, yes, but also a bit unnerving. I started to wonder what Narcoleptic Nate did for a living. Is he a doctor? Scary.
Or better yet, a therapist who may not be awake and alert enough to keep someone from jumping off a cliff?
Or maybe he is a motivational speaker. Imagine how inspiring that would be!
Regardless, I do know one thing: The older we get, we lose alot of the giddiness and excitement we felt as children.
I'm going to find a couch and hold on for dear life! This guy should too.
5/19/09
'Like Cats and Dogs'
While cooking chicken on the grill (and almost burning my entire condo complex to the ground) Sunday night, I noticed the following:
Nick the dog and Vern the cat waiting patiently outside the door for a piece of chicken.
Or were they thinking, "Holy Crap. This place is gonna blow!"
Regardless, it was one of those rare moments that I managed to capture with my phone. See, I like to take these pics as proof that they {sometimes} do get along.
Now, had I dropped a piece of the chicken on the floor next to them, the picture would've looked more like a weekend at Michael Vick's!
5/13/09
'Bird On a Pole'
While walking home from work yesterday, I saw the following picture posted on a telephone pole, and I couldn't help but read it.
Apparently, someone lost their pet bird.
I think it was the "Did You Lose Your Cockatiel?" that grabbed my attention. Or perhaps it was the picture of a brightly colored bird in the middle of Greenwich Village that made me turn my head.
Although, seeing an ad for a cock in the village isn't all that unusual.
Anyway...hopefully the bird and its owners have been reunited!!
'Birthday Girl'
5/8/08
Guess who turned 24 today?
Yep--Marta!
Here she is wearing her 99 cent store b'day sunglasses and sash--well, we turned the cheap cardboard letters it into a sash anyway.
And as we all enjoyed the Tiramisu birthday cake and cupcakes, (well, Marta horded the cupcakes so we'll have to use our imaginations), I couldn't help but think that as I was graduating from high school, Marta was graduating from pull-ups.
Let's take a quick stroll down memory lane to 1985: The year Marta was born (and let's also make it all about me--because I can!)
In 1985, Marta was drooling.
In 1985, I too was probably drooling at a party (from too much beer), or over my cool new perm...
In 1985, Marta was drinking from a bottle.
Me: Ditto.
In 1985, Marta was sucking on her thumb.
In 1985, I sucked at Algebra and had to attend summer school (which was more fun that I thought it would be, surprisingly).
OK, I can go on for hours, but I won't. (Actually, I'm running out of things an infant would do, and don't remember much more about my Freshman year of High School).
So I will leave you with these words from wise NJ rocker Jon Bon Jovi: "I'm not old, just older."
Have a great weekend and birthday Marta!
'PMS at CVS'
5/7/09
I recently noticed this at a local CVS drugstore and had to share the picture with you.
Is it me, or is there any doubt that the manager of this particular store is a woman?
Notice what is prominently displayed in the "Feminine Products" aisle?
Yep--a bag of Tootsie Rolls!
Is it her time of the month or what???
'Rock and a Flu Place'
5/4/09
If you can't tell by my last two posts, swine flu is still all over the news and has been a focal point of ours for nearly two weeks.
Just when it seemed like things were winding down, news breaks that 17 new cases of swine flu were confirmed in New York--bringing the total to 90.
While looking for new pictures to post inside our swine flu story, Marta (back from vacation today--YAY) found this.
It is our NEW favorite swine flu picture.
The picture is a monument to foundation of the Great Tenochtitlan in Mexico City, Saturday.
Notice the mask on the child?
Hey--better to be safe than sorry--even for a statue!
'Pig Panic'
4/29/09
OK, so if you haven't heard, there's a global "Swine Flu" pandemic (well, outbreak but close).
It started in Mexico and has now spread to 10 countries.
The CDC said to wash your hands often and to avoid close contact with someone who's sick.
Great, and I though the subways were filthy before! The good news: It's still safe to eat pork.
Really? I'll pass for now.
So to lighten the mood a bit, I found this online today and I couldn't help but laugh! I thought I'd share it with you all.
Not to make light of a very serious topic, but in this business, you need a good laught to keep from jumping out of a window!
P.S. Remember to wash your hands often and resist the urge to kiss a pig--at least for now.
'Get a Room'
4/21/09
It's been a while since I've blogged about rude commuters, so here goes.
The picture pretty much says it all--look at the guy in the suit's face! And look at how much space Sleeping Beauty is taking up! I was so tempted to try and squeeze into the seat to the sleeping guy's left, but it was more fun watching.
I get that we're tired, but come on people--trains aren't hotel rooms! Sleeping Beauty was out cold for the entire PATH ride and wasn't budging for anyone or anything.
In fact, I think he got annoyed when the guy with the paper first sat down and adjusted his coat.
The guy reading the paper--despite his best attempts to get Sleeping Beauty to move (a cough here and there, a shuffling of his newspaper with a subtle elbow to the rude dude's side -- a few dirty looks) got him nowhere.
Ahh... the joys of commuting.
P.S. Happy Birthday Bruce and Hello Mama Z!!
4/16/09
'Healthy Begging'
As I made my way down the escalator at Port Authority this morning, a homeless man was standing at the foot of the escalator asking people for money.
He'd repeat the same line over and over: "Please give me some money. Please give me some money."
And then he'd stick the dollar bill or two he'd just gotten into his pocket. Once that was completed, he'd repeat the process. (it was a long escalator ride people).
"Please give me some money..."
As I was taking my last step to get off the escalator I heard him repeat his mantra -- but this time with an added twist: "Please give me some money so I can eat a balanced diet."
If it was only that easy pal....
So I gave him some money hoping the balanced diet/healthy food fairies were listening!
CLICK HERE for older blog posts
4/15/09
'Taxing Day'
Timothy Dolan has been installed as the new Archbishop of New York.
Formerly the Archbishop of Milwaukee, Dolan replaces Cardinal Edward Egan to become the 10th Archbishop of the Empire State.
I would say I hope he brings change to New York, but I'm not sure how much change can be brought to the Catholic Church.
Perhaps since he's from Milwaukee, we can expect beer in the chalice?
In other taxing news...Today's the day to give Uncle Sam more of your hard-earned money.
And unless you live under a rock or you are my sister (JUST KIDDING Lisa), you've filed your taxes already.
Word to the wise: If you find that you owe $2,666,549 to the Federal Govt., it may be time to stop doing your own taxes on Turbo Tax.
Was it Turbo Tax or Cabernet?
Not that this happened to me recently, but I'm just saying...
4/8/09
'Holy Spirits'
I was born and raised Catholic, but I admit, I typically only get to church these days if I'm going to a wake, wedding or funeral -- luckily, I haven't been to any of the above recently.
While surfing 1010wins.com, I stumbled upon (pardon the pun) this story:
"Say amen: Ark. church holds Easter service in bar"
A fledgling Little Rock, Arkansas church called "The River" will hold both of its Easter services at The Rev Room, a bar and nightclub in the city's River Market. The church said it would also like to hold Mother's Day and Father's Day services at a bar.
Now this is my kind of church! I'd like to see the "Peace Be with You" greetings after a few pops. And will they rename Good Friday "Really Good Friday?"
Will there be a Ladies Night?
I can only imagine what they'll do to celebrate Christmas!
4/2/09
'Nick of Time'
My mom called me on Sunday and asked if I had seen the ad in the New York Times regarding Stevie Nicks making a rare appearance to sign CDs and DVDs at Barnes and Noble in NYC.
I said I hadn't but was very interested since I've been a fan of Stevie Nicks since high school.
Also, my mom and I went to see her in concert 20 years ago and I still have so many wonderful memories from that night, so I figured I'd go and report back!
That being said, I knew there would be a zillion people at the book store and wondered if it would be worth waiting in line for hours to possibly meet Stevie and get an autograph.
The signing was at 7 pm and I didn't get off work until 5.
I called Barnes & Noble at 2 pm (ok Marta called) and they said there were already 200 people there for the CD signing.
Hmmm..200. Already? Wow.
I called back at 4:30 p.m. and was told there were roughly 600 people there and if I had any chance of getting a CD/DVD signed I'd better "get there soon."
Debating in my head (and out loud), I decided I wasn't going to go. I like Stevie's music, but did I really want to deal with the crowds, the lines, etc?
Then Marta looked at me and said "just go! You'll regret if you don't at least give it a shot."
She was right. What did I have to lose?
And then she said, "Wait here's a camera...just in case."
Marta happened to have a small digital camera with her (don't know why but she did) so I took it.
I was on my way!
I got to the bookstore at around 5:30, purchased my CD and made my way to the 4th floor. I was escorted past a sea of fans and seated. I was number 750! Holy crap. I was going to be here all night stuck in the science fiction section no less...UGH.
But I took my seat and decided to wait it out.
At around 6 p.m. I decided I needed a plan. This was going to take forever and there had to be a better way.
I made my way toward the front and asked who was in charge of media/press. I was pointed in the direction of a woman named Carolyn.
"Hi Carolyn. My name is Billie Rama and I work for CBS Radio/1010 WINS. I am here as a fan, and I know it's probably too late for press credentials, but if...
Carolyn: Do you have a photographer with you?
Me: No, but I have a camera. (YES MARTA!)
Carolyn: OK, then you can out your bag here and stand over there with the photographers. Stevie will be coming out soon for a press op.
Me: OK! Thanks.
As I made my way toward the sea of paparazzi each with their professional equipment and HUGE lenses, I stood there and thought long and hard about taking Marta's little, beaten up Fuji Film camera out of my pocket to snap pics.
What do I do? I will look like an idiot!
I decided to take my CBS radio badge and wear it around my neck. At least I could somewhat look the part since my camera wasn't going to do me justice.
And then I said the hell with it! I am going to take pictures of Stevie Nicks with this little camera -- flash or no flash-- and roll with it. Hey, I've looked out of place MANY times before in my life, so what the hell?
As I made my way toward the front, trying to squeeze in anywhere I could, I realized it was futile. The photogs had claimed their space way earlier so I was stuck in the back. Oh well, hopefully I'll be able one picture.
And then I heard the roar of the crowd. "Stevie. Stevie." They were walking her toward us, and since I was in the back, I had the best spot! I managed to get a great shot as she walked by.
I have to say it was quite amusing me standing there, holding my little digital camera trying to snap pics along with the other "paps."
I was in the middle of it all and stopped caring. This was great--what a rush!
I eventually made my way to the front of the photogs and got some great pics.
Despite getting hit in the head with an overzealous photog's camera, the night was a huge success: I got enough pictures to create a photo gallery, and eventually got to meet Stevie Nicks.
I'd like to send a shout out to Carolyn Brown and the staff at Barnes and Noble--they were great!
As soon as I left I called my mom and told her about the night. It felt like 20 years ago -- mom and I bonding over Stevie Nicks -- yet this time we weren't surrounded by drunks and pot smoke. Although, if I turned the corner, I bet I could recreate the scene...
Some of the best times happen when you just wing it and go with the flow.
If you'd like to see some of my pictures, click here.
3/30/09
'Check Please'
While posting content to the site today, Marta came across an article about a NYC hotel that was offering free steak dinners to people who were unemployed or financially strapped.
That led to a discussion about how we'd try to get the free steak dinner but then realized that was really, really bad karma.
As we were about to change course and move on to a new topic, Marta looks at me and says:
Marta: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure
Marta: Do you have to be staying at a hotel in order to eat at that hotel's restaurant?
OK she didn't just ask me that, did she? Trying not to laugh, I looked at her and gave her the best response I could:
Me: Yes. Unfortunately, you and all of your dinner guests must be staying at the hotel in order to eat at their restaurant. Those are the rules.
And if you order room service, you have to eat all of the food in the room. No exceptions.
Karma. I know...
3/24/09
'Dirty Swiss Miss'
If you are like me, you like to travel. When planning the perfect vacation, you have to consider many options: Cost, safety, fun things to do, weather etc.
I'm more of a beach flip-flops person. When I book a trip, I typically look for places with beach access, funky bars and restaurants -- that's about it.
Although I am going to London this July to celebrate my anniversary and to visit some old friends. I have been to Europe before -- about 20 years ago, and loved it.
But that's before I worked in a busy city and discovered sandy beaches and pina coladas were much more relaxing than trying to absorb hundreds of years of culture in 6 days.
But Deb has never been to Europe before so we're going. And I am looking forward to getting back to London.
That being said, had I known about THIS I might not be going to London! Who knew hiking in the nude was all the rage these days?
I've always wanted to visit Switzerland and maybe now I will. I mean, come on, if naked hiking is a popular thing to do, imagine what other fun can be had in the Swiss Alps?
Photo courtesy of Time.com.
3/20/09
'Bearer of Good News'
In an ever-depressing sea of bad news: the Bernard Madoff scandal; Natasha Richardson dying unexpectedly and the horrible economy, I am happy to tell you that there still is some good news to report:
The state of New Jersey has scrapped plans to ban genital waxing!!
The state on Friday decided to reverse course on the proposal after angry salon owners complained about losing business ahead of swimsuit season.
WOW! That is life-changing news! Heck, my property taxes recently went up 47 percent, but I can still get a bikini (aka genital) wax in the Garden State!
Happy days are here again. Woo-hoo!
Photo from Salon.com
E-Mail Story
Print Story
